Dear Carolyn: (Contact her here)
Some friends of mine had been talking up this guy they thought would be perfect for me, so I finally went on a blind date with him. It turns out he’s black, and while I am NOT racist and have no problem with interracial dating in general, it’s not for me. I just prefer to date white guys.
I told my friends why I wouldn’t be seeing him again, and they were, shockingly, horrified. Did I miss something here? I know interracial dating is more prevalent now than it used to be, but I didn’t realize it was SO common that you get in trouble if you don’t want to do it. I figured if I’m the one who needs a kick in the pants, you’re the perfect person to give it to me. But I’m hoping you’ll tell me I’m right, that no one should have to date anyone they don’t want to.
Sacramento
Carolyn Hax replies:
You’re right — no one should have to date anyone s/he doesn’t want to.
And your friends are right, too — they shouldn’t have to pretend they’re not horrified by something they find morally repugnant.
And you’re right, interracial dating is more prevalent now, but its prevalence here is the cart; the issue here is the horse.
More people date interracially because more people realize that the only alternative to being racist is to judge each person as a person.
Your decision not to date this man wasn’t about his character or lack thereof, it wasn’t about his sex appeal or lack thereof, it wasn’t about his intellect or lack thereof, it wasn’t about his sense of humor or lack thereof, it wasn’t about his work ethic or lack thereof, it wasn’t about shared history or lack thereof, it wasn’t about his goals or lack thereof, it wasn’t about his compatibility or lack thereof.
To your credit, you’re owning your opinion; all you had to say was that you didn’t find him attractive, and this conversation doesn’t happen.
However: We’re having this conversation because you didn’t find his race attractive. That’s what racism is.
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YES, it is DUMB to say somebody should be fine with going out with WHOMEVER somebody happens to set them up with! HELLO, we all have a right to not date outside our race if we want, black/white/yellow/red or whatever!
ALSO, there is a BIG PROBLEM in AMERICA, as well as EVERYWHERE outside of the African Continent, with folks thinking White Women are the living end in femininity and they should be dating light, bright and really WHITE! This is terrible and dividing and destroying the black community in America! TOO MANY BLACK LADIES go home alone after their men have left them for a white lady so they think they got something better and will move up in the world. They proceed to rationalize it by saying ‘white women are cleaner, blah blah. MANY white gals wear weave, btw, just ask the KARDASHIANS! Anyway, we DON’T need to encourage this abandonment of the black wife and kids by black dudes, and white ladies, STOP TAKING THE BEST BLACK MEN! SAVE the BLACK COUPLE and the BLACK FAMILY, and the BLACK COMMUNITY! They need their dads and too many are in prison or on the street or dead, for you to take the acheivers! STOP, and look elsewhere for a date! THANK YOU!
It’s as simple as 2+2 . My people vs your people = angry people #-o . What if tomorrow all the bushy eyebrowed people started hating on all the thin browed people. would you join a side or just think the whole thing rediculous? I won’t be reading this paper again. These people already have a bad rep for printing inflamatory far right thinly veiled hate based rubbish.
Why are white women encouraged to have genocidal relationships that lead to the ethnic and racial genocide of their children? If you were to have children with a black man it would be genocidal because they would end up denying their mother for the rest of their life everytime they marked what race they are. Every black or hispanic baby born to a white woman is a dead white baby. Genocidal relationships are not equality. Respect our differences or racism will never end. As long as we see blacks and hispanics killing our race we will always hate them and resent the genocide and murder they represent.
Dating is a personal choice. Don’t let anyone fool you into believing otherwise. I date only white guys. I am not attracted to black guys. That does not mean I don’t respect and love all people. We all find different things we look for in a mate. Personal choice is important in who we are. Don’t give yourself a hard time, or let anyone else for that matter.
What the hell? It’s racist to not be attracted to black people? Well then chalk me up as a racist then!
This carolyn person is a disgusting human being for calling this girl a racist because she’s not attracted to black men.
There is NOTHING racist about having a racial preference when it comes to dating. Carolyn is 100% wrong and I sincerely hope she doesn’t have a job anywhere as a writer. I hope she gets fired.
People of certain backgrounds, have alway seen, or portraid,the ‘white man’ as someone who got to the cookie jaar faster than the others. He therefore, ‘deserves’ what’s comin’! Such blind racisism, is followed ‘blindly’ by “RACISIST’S” :roll:
What a hypocritical double standard!
People say there is this RACE problem and this RACE problem will be solved when the third world pours into EVERY White country and ONLY into White countries. They say the final solution to this RACE problem is for EVERY White country and ONLY White countries to “assimilate,” i.e., intermarry, with all those non-Whites. It’s really just the final solution to the White problem. It’s GENOCIDE. They say they are anti-racist. What they are is anti-White. Anti-racist is a code word for anti-White.
Genocide involves the attempt to achieve the disappearance of a group by whatever means. It does not have to be violent, it could be a combination of policies that would lead to a certain group dying out.”
Malcolm Fraser (Prime Minister of Australia 1975-1983)
Attempting to ‘blend’ White people out of existence in Every White country at the same time IS geNOcide.
Nobody is doing this to Every Asian country, or Every Black country.
‘Anti-racism’ is a codeword for Anti-White.
All i have to say is white women love us. I have dated white women who’s parents where racist as all get out and its so fun to throw in their face the fact that im dating there white daughter. I dont have a criminal record. lol. Im 30 with a corporate job, and i coach college wrestling. I have my stuff together. Every single white woman i have dated has had racist parents, but they chose not to be this way, which is how the world should be. White women date black guys because white men cant cut it. Thats why they go for us. And just to note the white women i have dated have college degrees and might even be your wife now.lol. Even if they act like they dont like us, those are the ones that have had atleast one great and amazing experience with a black. (so you say). Oh your president is black. You watch basketball and football and support those teams, so all of you pretending to be racist are just faking the funk. you love black people deep down in side, just ask the white woman your with if she likes black men deep down inside and im sure she will say she has atleast had a great experience, I dont seek these women, these beautiful PEOPLE seek me. Oh yeah and your president is black. So yeah geuss I win two times.
But seriously, if your gonna be racist dont be a closet racist go all out with it. be true to your cause, protest for your all white basketball and football teams. Write PRESIDENT obama and let him kow how truely racist you are. Dont do it behind our backs. If you see us in public make sure to throw a n word in our face every once in awhile and see where that gets ya. Dont fake the funk join the klan. I dated a girl who’s dad was in the klan and i took pics with his racist tail. Just to show how much of a fake and a coward he was.
oh yeah your president is black.
BIRACIAL, which means BLACK AND WHITE, Barack is!
THAT’S TERRIBLE, ROBERT! Please get some RACIAL PRIDE and select a BLACK WIFE!
Just getting UP on a ‘RACIST’ dad is not worth throwing yourself away and maybe committing racial suicide by having your genes mixed in with white and then later mixed out by all the other things your kids marry into.
BARACK OBAMA is BLACK and WHITE, not just black, as is MEGHAN MARKLE!
Speaking of both, IF MALIA AND SASHA marry WHITE GUYS, soon the black side will be gone and bred out, IF they marry BLACK GUYS, the WHITE SIDE will be history and forgotten.
HOPEFULLY, for BARACK and MICHELLE, ONE will marry a WHITE dude, and the OTHER will marry BLACK, or both black.
ACTUALLY, SASHA will probably marry a FEMALE.
Just tell your friends you aren’t into beastiality.
Here is the hypocrisy and racism behind interracial dating:
If a white woman says she only wants to date white men and not black men, she’s called a racist. But if a white woman only dates black men and not white men, then she’s not a racist, it’s a “preference.”
However, if a black woman says she only dates black men and not white men, she’s also not called a racist, its a “preference.” But if a black woman only dates white men and not black men, she’s called a traitor and a sellout.
I’m sorry, miss Carolyn Hax, but you and all the other people on this board calling this woman a racist just because she doesn’t want to be forced into dating interracially or adopting your PC agenda are just full of it.
When there comes a day when I turn on the news to see that the majority of rapists, murderers, and thieves are not all black, I may have different feelings about black people. I mean, come on! Even the ones in the workplace have some sort of attitude like they are “god’s gift to the world.” Everywhere you go and there is some sort of black group causing some sort of an violent outbreak. Take Cancun for instance… nice young black gentleman with his white girlfriend on vacation. On the second night I guess they had an argument and he broke her jaw, nose, and cheekbone. I really don’t like blacks but I talked to them on the first night. My wife was all upset and I told her, “if white women want to lay with dogs, they better expect to catch fleas.” Originally, she was very content with blacks until I started pointing out the news, public behavior, and the two-faced conversations they hold. She now understands that blacks are dangerous, untrustworthy, and hateful of everything and everyone. Even my black neighbor had a fistfight with his father in his driveway. It is like they have no control. There has to be an issue with the frontal lobe development that prevents the brain emotional control, impulses, and ability to predict consequences for actions. I am so sorry Jesse but as long as black people continue the violence, clan-type of sociality, and arrogant attitudes… I will continue to avoid your people like the plague. Call me racist all you want. White society has changed enough so you people have completely equal rights and even more opportunities than anyone else; e.g. scholarships, workplace preference, and automatic entitlements. Until you start to participate in society as a whole, dissolve the NAACP, and treat whites with dignity and respect… get away from me.
The way to tell IF the perp is BLACK is if they DON’T say what the guy is at first, or if it is on the NEWS so briefly when you BLINK you miss it. The LEFTY news guys REALLY hate to cover a minority criminal cause it is so ‘terrible to have bad coverage when they have such a raw deal already, sob sob!
I’m sorry, but you’re racist. The only reason you didn’t date this man was because of his race. That’s racism cut and dry. It’s you’re right to have a preference,despite the fact that’s it’s racist, but others have a right to point that out.
You have every right to go through live as a bigot. That’s freedom of choice, for better or for worse.
DoomAxe:
May be if you go and lay an Asian woman, your offsprings will have much higher IQ than you ever will!
If it’s not racist for minorities, than it’s not racist for white women. What about all the racism blacks are guilty of? Why is ok for the minorities to be racist but Whites can’t? Oh and white people who are hiring don’t give one iota what the color of your skin is. As long as you can get the job done. I want all white women to know that you are more respected for not dating blacks than if you do, because black men only date white women they can take advantage of. And it’s not ok for white women to be taken advantage of. Whoever you are that wrote in I’m so very proud of you for not being pressured into dating a black. You should be very proud of yourself.
let me tell you right now that it is NOT RACIST to support your OWN RACE!!!!If I as a white man wish to only date/marry WHITE women…thats MY business, and I dont care what ppl think of MY choice.
there is nothing wrong with being racist.
RACIST means ‘notices race in an individual and thinks it makes a difference.’ HENCE, EVERYONE IS RACIST! OKAY!?
W.T.F.,…jesse you’re an attractive black women,maybe compared to a black women,but when you compare black women and white women 999/1000 the white women is vastly superior.do you know why black women have big lip’s…to counterbalance their big fat rear’s.AND YES I’M WHITE…THANK GOD.
My experience as a black woman is one of being very supportive to all of my friends (very mixed bunch) and especially my family. Growing up in all white schools and neighborhoods and jobs, I have been harassed out of jobs because of my marital status of single (by white women), my race (by white women and men) and sexually (by white men.) I am accomplished, pretty and everyone says I should be married with children and the problem must be mine instead of the UGLY TRUTH that most men of ANY color do not want black women (perhaps black men in the South do but I don’t live there).
IN GENERAL:
White women think they are better than black women and interfere in people’s lives (nosy as hell but try to get in their business and they and their support system will cut you down), and personally, when I respectfully ask them to mind their business – RETALIATION and people coming to THEIR defense, not mine. Even though I am being harassed, all of a sudden the rejected harasser is the victim that the angry black female is being mean to.
White women CHARM men in the door and are spiteful, manipulative, cunning and crazed in the divorce court/end of their relationship/on the job.
Let’s not even discuss it’s ok for them to have children? out of wedlock, overspend (\they’ve had hard lives\) but let a sister do that – she is permiscuous, lazy and a gold digger. WAKE UP MEN OF ALL COLORS – you are not respectfully judging an individual woman one at a time for her character.
You are stereotyping white women as kind, supportive, not too sexual (what a crock – I’ve never had an abortion/a baby in high school, never trapped a man by getting pregnant and can count on one hand how many men I’ve been with) and some very supportive, good, nice, kind, hardworking, accomplished black women are being tossed aside with NO ONE having their back when they are harassed/discriminated against, while we have to hear horror stories of your exes hurting you, and sometimes even bail you out WAKE UP!
Stop saying it isn’t your fault, stop blaming black women for excelling in corporate America. You don’t want to face your own behavior and make changes, hold manipulative people of any color accountable, so this topic becomes taboo that society keeps sweeping under the rug.
And yes, to say that you don’t want to date someone because of his/her race is RACIST.
This is complete rubbish. It’s racist for a white woman to only be attracted to white men? Are you freaking kidding me?
Why isn’t it racist for a black woman to only be attracted to a black man? Furthermore, why is it not racist for any other minority to only be attracted to their own respective race and it’s not racist?
Get over yourself, Mrs. Hax. It’s completely natural and a law of nature that a white woman would only find a white man attractive. You don’t see lions and tigers having offspring do you? “Oh, but those are different species.” Well, newsflash people, not all humans are created equal. We are all very much different.
Whites are for whites. Blacks are for blacks. Hispanics are for Hispanics, so on and so forth. The abomination of diversity and multiculturalism is horrific. There are hiccups in nature where interracial dating and procreation will happen, but it’s absolutely abhorrent for you to even so much as somewhat indicate that this white woman is racist for not being attracted to black men.
This just makes my blood boil. Everything is fine and dandy so long as the minorities are happy and get what they want. But as soon as the white man/woman says something, OH NO! It’s RACISM! It’s ANTISEMITISM! WAKE UP!
I’m completely disappointed in you, Mrs. Hax. Don’t you ever tell a woman of any race that it’s racism simply because they’re not attracted to other races. That’s completely absurd. Absolutely, completely, and totally absurd.